Beginnings

It's early January, and I'm here quite undecided about the path my life would take. There was a wedding yesterday, and people around me wondering when it'd be their turn. It made me think too, but mostly about my life's direction.

I have big dreams and set (?) plans, I have a boyfriend I love with all my heart, but neither of us are quite at that point where we can make a commitment. He a bit further off it than I. And it makes me wonder, am I really just not into this marriage thing? Or is it because of where I find myself at the moment? After school, and getting a good residency, what next? Suddenly I see life beyond my academics; see I have been conditioned to stare straight into my books for the last 4 and a half years, and finally I'm slowly looking up and can't recognize what I see ahead.

Being patient while uncertain isn't one of my strong points, so I often catch myself fretting, anxious, worried. How do I let go and trust God? I haven't been all that virtuous. I know HE loves me, still...it's hard to let go.

I mostly just want to live now, in this moment. Put my head on my friend's shoulder and hear it'd be ALRIGHT.