September Day

So, it’s round about noon on a cool September day in 2018.

It’s been 3 years since my last post. I’m sitting in a cafe in Maitama, Abuja.
So much has changed, I won’t delve into the details.

Recently started a new job, it’s been a month. It’s scary. It’s supposed to be exciting, but all I feel is fear. I’m incredibly, inexplicably, unbelievably lucky to have the job I do now, but I’m scared.

Somehow I imagined that if I could somehow, by a massive stroke of luck, get to where I am now all would be well with the world; instead I see myself slipping into more uncertainty. Free floating, lacking structure.

I FEEL VERY LOST. What’s worse? I don’t know how to fix it.

Sitting in this café makes me question everything. Am I doing what I want? Am I happy? Even if just a happy rat in this race.

I wish I had more answers. I wish I had found my truly happy place.

I don’t know

New relationships

I hadn't been in a new relationship in three years, so when I got into one, I couldn't believe the feeling. It was heady, giggly and all butterflies again. I hated it. With all that nice fluttering came uncertainty, worries, projections.
Can I adapt to him and him to me? How would we work through problems, what problems would arise? Would I be able to handle them or would I be back to square one in a few weeks, a once nice friendship ruined?
Then I had to deal with separating the man before me from all those in the past. No he isn't like A and just because B did doesn't mean he will.
Then people. I was wary of people saying "oh just so and so length of time and she's already flaunting him".
There was a lot. In my mind all this could be solved only by the passage of time.
Well time has passed, and I realise it was all in my head. Why worry about the future?  You can't change it. I should have embraced my butterflies, enjoyed the rush of a young blossoming love and not pray for it to be over so quickly.
In all this though, I love where I am now. Couldn't have wished it any better. *grinning like a little girl*

Beginnings

It's early January, and I'm here quite undecided about the path my life would take. There was a wedding yesterday, and people around me wondering when it'd be their turn. It made me think too, but mostly about my life's direction.

I have big dreams and set (?) plans, I have a boyfriend I love with all my heart, but neither of us are quite at that point where we can make a commitment. He a bit further off it than I. And it makes me wonder, am I really just not into this marriage thing? Or is it because of where I find myself at the moment? After school, and getting a good residency, what next? Suddenly I see life beyond my academics; see I have been conditioned to stare straight into my books for the last 4 and a half years, and finally I'm slowly looking up and can't recognize what I see ahead.

Being patient while uncertain isn't one of my strong points, so I often catch myself fretting, anxious, worried. How do I let go and trust God? I haven't been all that virtuous. I know HE loves me, still...it's hard to let go.

I mostly just want to live now, in this moment. Put my head on my friend's shoulder and hear it'd be ALRIGHT.

Update?

So yesterday I didn't exercise.

Thought about it a lot. Was too shy? I had a guest over.

Today I got a few minutes in, not a lot of sweat and it was right after a meal, but I'm glad I tried.

:)

I'll just start here

So lately, I've been feeling like doing some exercise or getting back on some exercise program. Thought about the gym, walking, home workout, starting up Insanity again etc. I think I've settled on Insanity again. Dec 1st is a Sunday so that's awesome for the Insanity beginning and it gives me about a week to get sort of in shape for Insanity.

I plan to do Hip Hop Abs as my preparation, I'm downloading those right now. I also will not do a recorded weigh in yet till the 1st of Dec.

These days it feels like my body wants to lose weight. Minimal effort in terms of not eating makes such a difference. Maybe it's time. My biggest challenge is that whenever I drop a few pounds I tend to lose my motivation to continue, try as I may. So maybe if I go on this workout plan I'd have different goals and so better results.

I'm also writing this down to make myself accountable to....well, myself.

Here's hoping this goes well.

Goal as at this moment is a 10kg loss. I would say a two size drop on my hip size but I think that's a mighty lofty goal. We'll see.

I guess that's it for my first post.

:)