I hadn't been in a new relationship in three years, so when I got into one, I couldn't believe the feeling. It was heady, giggly and all butterflies again. I hated it. With all that nice fluttering came uncertainty, worries, projections.
Can I adapt to him and him to me? How would we work through problems, what problems would arise? Would I be able to handle them or would I be back to square one in a few weeks, a once nice friendship ruined?
Then I had to deal with separating the man before me from all those in the past. No he isn't like A and just because B did doesn't mean he will.
Then people. I was wary of people saying "oh just so and so length of time and she's already flaunting him".
There was a lot. In my mind all this could be solved only by the passage of time.
Well time has passed, and I realise it was all in my head. Why worry about the future? You can't change it. I should have embraced my butterflies, enjoyed the rush of a young blossoming love and not pray for it to be over so quickly.
In all this though, I love where I am now. Couldn't have wished it any better. *grinning like a little girl*
Monday, 26 January 2015
Sunday, 4 January 2015
Beginnings
It's early January, and I'm here quite undecided about the path my life would take. There was a wedding yesterday, and people around me wondering when it'd be their turn. It made me think too, but mostly about my life's direction.
I have big dreams and set (?) plans, I have a boyfriend I love with all my heart, but neither of us are quite at that point where we can make a commitment. He a bit further off it than I. And it makes me wonder, am I really just not into this marriage thing? Or is it because of where I find myself at the moment? After school, and getting a good residency, what next? Suddenly I see life beyond my academics; see I have been conditioned to stare straight into my books for the last 4 and a half years, and finally I'm slowly looking up and can't recognize what I see ahead.
Being patient while uncertain isn't one of my strong points, so I often catch myself fretting, anxious, worried. How do I let go and trust God? I haven't been all that virtuous. I know HE loves me, still...it's hard to let go.
I mostly just want to live now, in this moment. Put my head on my friend's shoulder and hear it'd be ALRIGHT.
I have big dreams and set (?) plans, I have a boyfriend I love with all my heart, but neither of us are quite at that point where we can make a commitment. He a bit further off it than I. And it makes me wonder, am I really just not into this marriage thing? Or is it because of where I find myself at the moment? After school, and getting a good residency, what next? Suddenly I see life beyond my academics; see I have been conditioned to stare straight into my books for the last 4 and a half years, and finally I'm slowly looking up and can't recognize what I see ahead.
Being patient while uncertain isn't one of my strong points, so I often catch myself fretting, anxious, worried. How do I let go and trust God? I haven't been all that virtuous. I know HE loves me, still...it's hard to let go.
I mostly just want to live now, in this moment. Put my head on my friend's shoulder and hear it'd be ALRIGHT.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)